The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes
YOU Probably Make With Your Ex Lover—
And What To Do About It

Are you reading this heartbroken? Is the person you’re sure you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life now suddenly out of your life, conceivably “for good”? Would you do anything to get your ex back? Even it means rethinking your whole approach to getting your ex back?

Changing not only some of the actions you’re taking (or not taking, as the case may be) but also some of the fundamental beliefs that, unbeknownst to you, got you into the mess in the first place?

Because the thing is, if you’re trying to get your ex back and it’s not working…then it’s not working! You have to try something else, that does work! Fortunately for you at this difficult juncture, most of us make the same mistakes with our exes.

And we make them over and over. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, the dumper or the dumpee. If you want to get back together with your ex, the odds are that you’re no different than the rest of us, making the same mistakes we all make when trying to mend a breakup. And the most common of these mistakes are the same for men and women alike. Fortunately, this makes it easy for you to see exactly what to stop and start doing in order to win back the affections of the man or woman you loved and lost.

MISTAKE #1: The "Nice Guy/Girl" Syndrome

How many times do you have to hear the cliché “nice guys (or girls) finish last” before you finally get it?

Everyone, without fail, wants some degree of excitement in their relationship. Some sense of adventure. Something that brings us out of the doldrums of everyday life and spurs us into action in our lives. Don’t believe me? Then why is everyone (even you?) always talking about “chemistry” when they’re talking about finding Miss or Mr. Right? Because nobody cares how nice a guy or girl is.

We only care if that gut level attraction is there. And I’ll tell you something about chemistry, anyway. It’s a dangerous and sometimes explosive science.

And while everyone’s always looking for that “spark” with another person, most people forget that it takes friction to create a spark. The point is, right or wrong, the common perception of nice girls and guys is that they’re generally passive, insecure, anxious, and predictable. They aren’t very much fun most of the time. And in fact, when get right down to it, nice guys and girls can be just plain boring. But more than that, even someone who’s looking for “boring” still won’t want to date you, whether for the first time or all over again, if the attraction isn’t there.

MISTAKE #2: Logic & Reason

You cannot argue yourself back into a relationship. You can argue yourself out of one just fine, but it doesn’t work in reverse.

You may be able to convince a person to go out on a date with you once, but you can’t convince a person to like you or love you or want to be with you.

A person’s heart cannot be reasoned with any more than you can fall in love with someone by will alone. Your intellect can help you control your own emotions so that you stop making the top 10 mistakes you’re making with your ex lover and get back on the road to togetherness again. But it can’t make your ex decide to change his or her mind and come back to you. Rationality has no place here, no matter how good you think your logic may be, no matter how much sense it makes to you. Deciding to get back together with you has to be your ex’s idea, not yours.

MISTAKE #3: Kissing Up

In other words, kow-towing to your ex’s every whim in the hopes that it will win him or her over to you again.

It’s truly pathetic how many of us will use these words to get our ex’s back: “I’ll do anything you want…” That doesn’t make for a romantic relationship among equals.

That makes for a dominant-subservient relationship where one person controls everything about the relationship, including the other person. (And by the way, if this sounds eerily familiar to you, it may be part of the reason why you broke up in the first place.) Either way, becoming your ex lover’s slave won’t do anything other than make you look weak and desperate and thoroughly unattractive. It’ll make you ripe for being taking advantage of, and your ex may very well do just that (and you’ll deserve it). However your ex responds to you kissing his or her ass, will do nothing other than make your ex really, really glad not to be with you anymore. Nobody wants a pushover. Heck, do you?

MISTAKE #4: Trying To Buy Your Ex Back

Ever heard, “Can’t buy me love?”

Maybe it’s time you gave it a listen again. Attractions built on money and gifts are always flimsy and never last long. Food and gifts only fill a basic animal need, and not even the right one.

Attraction is a basic human need too, but you won’t find anyone falling heads over heels for someone based on some flowers and fancy jewelry. In fact, it more often has the exact opposite effect – conveying to your ex that you don’t believe you’re attractive enough to be desired for your own merits, so you have to pad the package with presents to cover up for your flaws and make you seem more desirable.

Are you that insecure? Or that manipulative? It’s got to be one or the other if you’re hinging your chances of reconciliation with your ex on some flimsy (and because of this, invariably overpriced) material garnishments.

MISTAKE #5: Being A Sap

Similar to being a kiss-up and a pushover is being a sap, which is when you can’t stop telling your ex how much you care about him or her, or you do it too soon.

Too many people, men and women alike, fall into this fatal trap of believing that if you can only make your lover understand how strong your feelings are for them, then surely they’d be in your arms in a heartbeat and stay with you forever. But it doesn’t work that way.

Being romantic does not mean smothering your ex with your outpourings of affection. And despite what you may think, “But I really, really like you,” is not what your ex wants to hear. Your strong feelings may in fact be the very thing that pushed your ex away to begin with.

A romantic relationship takes time to grow. Love doesn’t happen overnight. And when someone behaves like it just has, they seem immature and unstable, which is when the other person generally runs for the hills. Infatuation is only okay when it’s mutual or when it’s kept in check. Otherwise it borders on obsession. You sound needy instead of desirous. And neediness is a total turn-off.

MISTAKE #6: Missing The Whole Point Of Attraction

Too many people completely miss the point of attracting the opposite sex and end up taking actions that would only attract themselves and others like them…in other words, people of the same gender.

No, I’m not saying you’re gay or even that you’re acting gay. I’m only saying that the things that attract men are not the same things that attract women, and vice-versa.

You can’t use the same tactics that would work on you to woo a person of the opposite sex. Men, for example, are mainly attracted to a woman’s appearance, whereas women are mainly attracted to a man’s personality. That doesn’t mean men should stop working on their appearance or that women should stop trying to be good people. But it does mean you need to hone your efforts on communicating what they want to see in a mate and then what you want them to see.

You have to understand how your ex thinks and what your ex is attracted to in order to attract him or her back. Then you can work on learning the subtle body language cues and emotional hot-buttons turn them on without them even knowing it.

MISTAKE #7: The Looks And Money Trap

Our culture makes it so easy for people to believe that looks and money are what it takes to land an attractive mate (or in this case, to win back the affections of the mate you had and lost).

But despite how television makes us appear to ourselves, human beings are not that shallow. Not when it comes to building enduring romantic relationships. Sure, looks and money may help some people get that first date or that first overnighter.

But they’re not going to get a couple down the aisle, and when occasionally they do, it’s a recipe for divorce. Looks and money are not the foundations of a lasting relationship. They’re window dressing, and window dressing always gets tired after a time. So anyone who gives up in their quest to reconcile with their ex because they lack looks or money deserves to be lonely.

MISTAKE #8: Giving Your Ex All Your Power

This is being a kiss-up, a pushover, and a sap all rolled into one.

What person wants to lead their lover around on a leash like a dog? No one, of course. Yet that’s exactly what you’re doing when you make yourself completely subservient to your ex’s will in the hopes that it’ll make him or her come back to you. The insane underlying belief behind this behavior is that all your ex wants out of a lover is power and control over them.

But no one wants a lover they can walk all over, and no one is turned on by a wuss. Whether they admit it or not, all men need powerful women and all women need powerful men. You are doing your ex and yourself no favors by making yourself seem small and weak beside their light.

MISTAKE #9: Mis-Reading The Cues

Men and women are always giving each other cues to their wants and needs. And much of a relationship’s success or failure depends on your ability to read these cues.

But no one taught you how to do this in school. You’re just expected to pick this stuff up on the fly as you go through life. How unfair is that?! But that’s where the truism “all is fair in love and war” comes in. Because this is a little bit of both. Love, as much as we may want it to be different, isn’t usually enough to bring two people together or make them stay together.

It also takes a little bit of strategy and planning. Human behavior is, on some level, observable and predictable. This goes for men and women both. And if you can learn from those who’ve studied human behavior, particularly man/woman dynamics and romantic relationships, how to read the cues that the opposite sex is giving you, then you can know what to do in every situation. You can have perfect timing all the time because you can read the signs. More, you can begin to influence (or what some call “manipulate”) the outcome of any interaction between you and your ex by purposefully giving cues of your own that you know your ex will pick up on and are exactly what he or she wants to see and hear.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help

Help is out there. Most people just don’t know where to look.

But you’re not most people, apparently, because you’ve come here, where you can find the kind of help you need. I said before, they don’t teach us this stuff in school.

But that doesn’t mean no one is teaching it. And the biggest mistake most people make in trying to get their ex back is denying themselves the years of experience and volumes of study available to them if only they would seek it out and ask. By coming here and reading this article you have sought out the help you need. And “asking” for it is only a matter of ordering one of my two ebooks on just this very subject.

I’m Matt Huston, and before I show you the two ebooks (one for men and one for women) that could change your life, let me give you a brief rundown of my credentials for the job. I have a masters in psychology, I’ve been a focused student of man/woman dynamics for over 6 years now, and I’m a professional relationship coach who’s helped literally thousands of couples get back together after a breakup.

That said, I encourage you to read my #1 best-selling step-by-step blueprint, Get Him Back Forever (if you’re a woman) or my Ex2 System, Get Your Girlfriend Back (if you’re a man). Each contains heaps of priceless information on how the opposite sex thinks and how to work that to your advantage.

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