Dating Etiquette and Manners for Men

by Josh < 3 comments >

Posted in Chivalry

Dating etiquette & manners

Often it’s the little things that matter most – things like saying “Please” and “Thank You” and those other common courtesies your mother always tried to hammer into you.

Get There On Time

Just because women typically take more time to get ready to go out then men, that is no reason at all to arrive late for a date. If you have scheduled to meet a woman or pick her up at a particular time, be there when you said you would.

This cannot be stressed enough. So what, she keeps you waiting, putting on her make-up and doing her hair. It’s always better for you to have to wait for her than making her have to wait for you.

If you’re late, she will assume the worst, namely that you’re standing her up. And if you eventually arrive without a stupendous reason for not only showing up late but for neglecting to call her and let her know you’re on your way, she’ll still be mad because it conveys a total lack of caring for the value of her time.

Plan for hold-ups – for traffic, for trouble parking, etc. Plan to be early, and even with delays you’ll probably show up on time. She may not notice all the times you arrive on time, but she will remember forever the time you showed up late.

Chivalry is Not Dead

Even all these decades after women’s lib, they still appreciate being treated like a lady. Sure, she can open her own door, but opening it for her is still a courteous thing to do. Pulling out her chair for her and waiting for her to sit before you do doesn’t convey that you think she’s weak and incapable; it conveys a level of attention that is noticeably absent among men today and that will not fail to catch her attention and warm her heart.

Again, it’s not about locking each other into playing outdated Male and Female roles. It’s simply an indication that you think she’s special. And she will feel it, and find it touching.

A Little Compliment Goes a Long Way
Surely there’s something about her appearance that you find particularly appealing (and if you don’t, then what are you doing out with her in the first place?). Don’t hold it in. Saying something nice about her hair, scent, make-up, clothes, jewelry, etc. doesn’t sound cheesy, it sounds like you’re paying attention.

Women spend a lot of time putting themselves together. Telling them that you notice, and more that you notice some specific detail that stands out to you as worthy of mention, is worth it’s weight in gold.

“You look beautiful” or “You look nice tonight” is the least you can say. “That’s a really nice necklace? Where’d you get it?” or “Did you do something special to your hair? I really like it.” or “You smell incredible. What are you wearing?” are all more specific and pointed questions that she’ll remember fondly long after the date is over and you’ve dropped her off at home.

On the flip side, however, don’t overdo it, or she’ll think that you’re being disingenuous (in other words: faking it because a dating article told you to do it).

It’s What You Don’t Say that Counts the Most

You can have all greatest lines and all the most interesting stories and experiences in the world to regale her with, but none of it is worth a dime if you’re not at least as good a listener as you are a talker.

Sweet talking her will only get you so far. But listening to her when she talks will take you around the world and back. The value of good listening skills can never be understated.

If, while she’s talking, you’re stuck in your head thinking about what you’re going to say next, about work, about what you’re missing on TV, about whether or not you’re going to get a kiss tonight and how much it’s going to take before you get her in the sack, make no mistake it will be written all over your face – literally.

Asking her questions that show you’re interested in her, in who she is and what she’s about, is the first part of it. The next, and more important part, is to actually listen to her responses. Look her in the eyes, nod periodically at appropriate moments to show you’re with her, and ask follow-up questions about the things she saying to show that you’re honestly interested in what she’s saying.

Even if she asks you questions about yourself, you can turn it around and ask her opinions on the things she’s telling you. We are all our own favorite subject, and when you get her to talk about herself you can be confident that whatever she’s telling is something she’s extremely interested in. That’s one sure-fire way to make sure she has a mentally and emotionally stimulating time out with you. When you display a genuine interest in the things she’s talking about, then you’ve just indicated a clear compatibility on at least one subject – her.

Money Manners

That’s not “money matters”, for some women care more than others about how much you take home each week. But on a date, who pays for what is a touchy subject. And how you handle it says a lot to her about the kind of person you are.

Rather than expecting that you’ll be paying because “you’re the man”, and risking accusations of sexism, try offering to pay instead. Presenting it this way gives her the option of saying “Yes” or “No”. It takes a formerly sexist cultural paradigm and turns it on its head, putting her in charge of who takes on the charge.

It’s still wise to plan to pay (in case she accepts your offer) but also be prepared to be flexible enough to let her pay if she so wishes. And, if that’s what she wants, to let her gracefully. You can offer then to split it with her and see if she agrees to that. If that doesn’t work, you can offer to pay the tip. Or she can pay for dinner, you pay for the show. There are many ways to tastefully negotiate payment for a date with your date. Just be sure you present it in an open and flexible manner, and be willing to take “No” for an answer without bringing your ego into it.

Whether she likes a bad boy or Mr. Nice Guy, there are some matters of dating etiquette that all women appreciate of all men. Learn them, practice them, and reap the rewards.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Jimmy mauricio October 28, 2009 at 11:43 am

Help!

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LifeAdvisor July 26, 2009 at 5:16 am

I agree that chivalry is still important. Most women watch romantic movies or read romantic books and are inclined to look for the Prince Charming.

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Kelli May 16, 2009 at 8:58 am

I have to say chivalry is very important to me…I don't see it as chivalry as much as good manners.
If someone waits in the drive way for me …and God forbid honks their horn…I do not leave until they can get out of the car.
Opening doors…pulling out chairs…all very important.
I watch very closely on a first date if a guy does this. And with the modern ideas that a woman doesn't like this ( not true) …if a guy is secure enough in his own values to do it anyway…very attractive.
He is living by HIS own decisions of what is right.

I personally would not like a guy commenting on my make up.
It would be a cross between commenting that my high heels enhance my body and commenting on my deodorant.
We know that some things are enhancers. And we would prefer not to discuss them…or have them commented on…also make up is a toiletry more or less…and well..it is just kind of strange for it to be commented on.
The exception is nail polish….comment on that. Stay away from shoes…
Also make up and shoes…girl talk…
Yikes.
We will read it as girl talk or worse a judgement call…

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