So you’ve had a great first date.

Congratulations! What next? You ask. Maybe you’ve had many first dates that felt great to you but that never evolved into a second date or a third and beyond. How do you make that leap from a first date to a second one? Read on…

The Dating Basics

Much of the advice we have for turning a first date into future dates with the same women is the same advice we’d give on making any date a success:

• Show up on time
• Use adequate hygiene
• Be a gentleman
• Compliment her
• Exude confidence without coming off as arrogant
• Listen attentively and show genuine interest in her
• Keep it upbeat and positive
• Avoid delving too deeply into past relationships
• Offer to pay but let her contribute if she insists

That’s a fine start, most definitely. But just like you can have all the greatest pick-up lines in the world and still not land a date, you can have all the greatest dates in the world and still not being able to get them to go out with you a second time. So what else? What more can you do to break through that wall?

When to Ask: the Debate

There are two contradictory lines of thinking on when to ask her for that second date, and which one you choose will depend largely on the woman you’re with and how much the particular arguments for or against each side of this debate weigh with you.

One side of the debate says to ask her out the same night, at the end of the date, before you drop her off or part ways. Proponents of this kind of timing say that asking her for a second date at the end of your first date catches her off guard and doesn’t give her time to analyze your first date too heavily before deciding whether or not to go out with you again. Her decision then is more likely to be based on her emotions in that moment, and if you’re thinking of asking her out again, then chances are the date has been going well enough that she’s probably happy and having a good time, making her answer a more likely “Yes”. It also leaves her with something she can look forward to.

The other side of the debate argues that you shouldn’t ask for a second date immediately as it puts too much pressure on her and risks staining the great evening you two have already been sharing. The advocates of waiting a day or two say that giving her time to analyze the date (because both sides of the argument at least agree that she most certainly will) allows her to convince herself that you’re worth going out with again. And if you’ve given her time to think it over and she decides she actually doesn’t want to see you again, then you’ve just saved yourself a whole lot of time and money.

It’s a tough call. We’d say that if you’re sure you both have been enjoying your first date, then go for it. Why not show her how great it was for you by proposing a next one? If you’re not sure, then give her that window of time. And when you call her the next day, you should get a pretty clear idea from her as to how receptive she may or may not be to the idea.

Schedule It

Don’t just say, “We should get together again sometime”. It’s too open-ended and it comes off as wishy-washy. Instead, if you’re going to ask for that second date, pick a specific day for it and pose it to her. If she’s interested in seeing you again but unavailable on that particular day (or if she doesn’t know her schedule just yet) she’ll say so. But if you can at least pencil in an actual day and time to meet again, there’s a much better chance of it actually happening than if you put off asking for another day. Remember, it’s harder for a person to cancel existing plans than it is to say “No” to the suggestion of making plans.

Also, an extra little tip – if you don’t schedule your second date with her the night of your first date, then at least try and call her early in the week to arrange it. Don’t assume that she’s free over the weekend and call Thursday to ask her out for Friday. That could come across as an insult. Call her on a Monday and she’ll know you respect her as an active and attractive person who needs to be scheduled with ahead of time before her datebook fills up.

Pick an Activity You Already Discussed

No doubt during your first date, you and she talked about a lot of things, including what activities you and she each like to partake in. So instead of just asking her out on any old second date, ask her to join you in one of the activities she mentioned on your first date as enjoying. Not only will it naturally entice her because it’s something you know she likes to do, but even more importantly it shows her that you’ve really been listening to what she’s been saying. She’ll love that.

It’s Still Your Call

As liberated as women have become, and as much as gender roles are being blurred, overlapped, and just plain obliterated every day, most women still leave it up to the man to make the suggestion of going out again. We don’t know why this is (some cultural mores are more ingrained than others? Who knows?) but it seems to be so regardless.

Maybe it’s because most women want the men they date to display at least some level of confidence, self-assuredness, poise, and initiative. And they know that asking them out on a date is no easy task for most men. So just being courageous enough to take that step makes a positive impression on them.

Consider it your job, then, to suggest the next date. Don’t wait for her to do it. And if she just so happens to beat you to it…well then, you can be pleasantly surprised. Nothing wrong with that.

Call Her – Promptly

Figuring out how many days you should wait to call a girl you’ve dated is a teenager’s exercise. Women want to know you’re interested or they’ll move on to the next prospect. If you decide not to ask her out on that second date right away, then call her promptly to, at the very least, let her know that you had a good time with her on your first date.

Don’t leave her hanging, waiting and wondering. It’s cruel and, again, childish. Plus, it doesn’t work. You’re not going to make her want to go out with you more by making her wait to hear from you again.

Call her the next day! You don’t have to necessarily ask her out again if you’re not ready yet. But if you want that possibility to even exist, at least let her know she’s still on your radar (and for heaven’s sake, don’t use those exact words, please).

The Only Woman in the Room

To close out this article, we want to revisit a point so important it can’t be stressed enough, and that’s about the interest you show in her.

No matter how sly you think you may be, women can always tell when you’re checking out other women. So whatever it takes, when you’re out on a date, restrain yourself from even looking at other women. Even to the waitress – be courteous, but disinterested.

Keep your eyes locked on her the whole time you’re together, like she is the only woman in the room, because if you want that second date, she damn well better be.