by Alex Allman, author of Revolutionary Sex
Many couples struggle with the fact that MOST women do not have orgasms during intercourse.
It’s worth remembering that 1 in 7 women will go to their grave without ever experiencing an orgasm. And that is a huge shame, because they so easily could experience the pinnacle of sexual pleasure if they had the right lover to help guide them there.
But for most women, orgasm is possible… but only with direct stimulation of the clitoris.
Now of course, one simple trick that will usually solve the problem is making love in a position that allows either partner to stimulate the clitoris with a well lubed finger at the same time.
And while this technique works beautifully, I actually had a couple write to me that they felt that this was “cheating”, and that they were committed to achieving an actual VAGINAL ORGASM during intercourse.
The first rule, however, is that you have to make sure that your partner never feels “pressured to succeed” during this process.
Pressure is bad.
And if she feels like you are judging her on her ability to have a vaginal orgasm or links any kind of goal oriented intentions on your part, or feels like she must succeed to get your approval… even in the most subtle way… you will do more harm than good by trying any of the techniques that I am going to describe in this article.
Putting pressure on a woman to have an orgasm is no different to putting pressure on a man to get an erection.
A man can do some pretty amazing things if you put a gun to his head… but getting an erection is not one of them!
The second thing you have to understand is that is unlikely that some new special “position” or “technique” is going to make this happen.
The path is bit less clear-cut than that. And, in the end, you’ll have to find your own way by Paying Attention and really tuning into her body in the way that I talk about in “Revolutionary Sex”.
But if you are ready to have some fun practicing with your girl and you approach this with a playful, curious, and fun attitude, here are 3 simple things you can do that will take you down the path to vaginal orgasm.
1) Set a “sex date” for HIS pleasure only
Block out some time, and make sure that you spend the time to build this up as something special. Light candles, get some massage oil, and get psyched for some serious pleasure.
She can use massage, she can wear sexy clothing or do a striptease for you. She can play out fantasies for you. Everything and anything that you desire.
Now, if in the course of this play she has an orgasm, that’s fine. But while it’s not “against the rules”, you have to be very clear that it’s not the desired outcome either.
This sex date is only about the man’s pleasure and what turns HIM on.
Now this may seem crazy, but if you happen to include intercourse in the mix on this night, there is actually a chance that she may have her first vaginal orgasm right away… provided you don’t let her read this paragraph.
Because she won’t be thinking about her orgasm. She won’t be thinking about her clitoris. She won’t be thinking about her inability to have a vaginal orgasm. None of those limitations will be on her mind.
But she WILL be massively turned on from being focused on you and giving you pleasure. Most women find nothing quite as sexy as really driving a man wild.
And if you think about this, it makes total sense. After all, there is nothing that drives a man crazy with lust like really driving a woman wild.
So as strange as it might sound, you may not even need steps 2 and 3.
2) Set a “sex date” for HER pleasure
Same rules but reversed. Everything is just for her.
On this date there might be no intercourse at all… it’s completely up to her. If you are dying to come, you can always masturbate when it’s over… but for this date, everything is about HER pleasure only.
You’ll probably have a lot of fun and learn some surprising things about your lover through this process.
Alternate these “sex dates” back and forth a couple of times over a couple of days (or weeks if you get to it less frequently) and develop some comfort with it.
This alone is going to add a beautiful new dimension to your sex life.
3) Her pleasure… No clitoris allowed.
This is the big one. If you’ve been having fun practicing up until now, this game is going to be interesting.
Once again, it’s all about her pleasure. And by now you’ve been experimenting and having all sorts of crazy fun with this process.
The object this time is that you want to give her every bit of sexual pleasure and excitement that she can possibly stand… without ever touching her clitoris.
And, yes, this might drive her completely crazy with frustration.
Stay the course. Don’t worry if she doesn’t have an orgasm. There’s tons of sexual pleasure to be had without orgasm.
Give her a bath, massage her, massage her G spot, Same game, again this time it’s only for her…
Even if she is going psycho, try to prevent her from racing for the vibrator or touching her clitoris. If necessary, calm her down with a nice back massage when she can’t take any more.
Try doing this 2 days in a row.
4) If she hasn’t had a vaginal orgasm yet, now it’s time to put it all together.
Return to your normal love making. Focus on giving both of you pleasure and use the “greatest hits” from what you’ve learned doing the above exercises.
Give her several clitoral orgasms, and then, when she is fully aroused and her G spot is completely engorged, start rhythmically stroking her G spot.
Have her focus on her breathing. Make sure she is not “working” or “trying” to have an orgasm. It’s just about surfing the waves of pleasure.
Don’t let her hold her breath or pant in quick, shallow breaths– make sure she is taking full, relaxed breaths and surfing the pleasure.
She may start to shake, scream, or possible even start to cry.
Just reassure her and keep going.
A few moments later she should have a very, very intense vaginal orgasm.
Keep her breathing and maintain your rhythm and see how long you can prolong her orgasm. Don’t worry about the screaming and bucking. She’ll be fine.
**BE VERY NICE TO HER AFTERWARDS**
A huge amount of hormones have just been released into her blood. She is going to be very sensitive afterwards. She may cry (or laugh) for a long period of time afterwards. DON’T WORRY. Just chill out and let her go through it. Speak softly and sweetly and enjoy the afterglow.
Once she has experienced this for the first time, it will be easier and easier to access it again. With a bit of practice you should be able to give her vaginal orgasms just from intercourse alone.
Remember that this isn’t a contest. There’s no rushing it and there’s no prize for success. If you become goal oriented it’s going to kill it, so be patient and find the pleasure in the PROCESS, not the result.
Enjoy the journey.
And when you are ready for (much) more great information about bringing your sex life to the next level, please check out my online eBook: