How to Last Longer in Bed… and Drive Your Women Wild with Ecstasy

Don't rush it and don't finish too fast. This is probably the singular piece of advice men hear most from the women they're sleeping with. "Slow down! It isn't a race!"

As a general rule women take longer to climax than men. Deal with it. You want to make her happy, make her keep coming back for more, then you've got to tether your own wild horses until you've given hers a good, long, and satisfying ride. How?

Easier said than done, we know. Men get excited, they shoot their load, they're done and out for the count. That's been their norm since puberty. Changing that may seem overwhelming and, in some cases, just plain impossible. But it's not.

To last longer in bed with a woman:
Pull back before it's too late: Lasting longer isn't a matter of will, it's a matter of self-control. The ability to take pauses before reaching the point of no return. Take time out from whatever activity is stimulating your genitalia (and other parts) and give some extra attention to hers.

And by pulling back, we don't necessarily even mean "pull out". For you can pause thrusting while still inside her and achieve the same result.
Alter the pace: If the previous tip is about intermittently stopping and starting again, this tip is about slowing down and speeding up again. Changing the pace helps you better restrain the compulsion to release. And it has the added bonus of driving her wild.

Change positions: The variety will doubly-benefit you both by stimulating her in a broader range of ways and body places in a single lovemaking session.

Use a condom: Besides the other more obvious reasons for wearing a condom (preventing pregnancy and the spread of venereal disease), it also helps you last longer. Most men eschew condoms because they feel condoms decrease the sensitivity of the sensations they're experiencing. But if your goal is to last longer in bed, then this is an advantage, not a disadvantage.
Remember to breathe. Holding your breath or breathing shallowly keeps you locked in that primal, animalistic space where it's hard to think straight and all you can focus on is getting off. But when you remember to breathe deeply, into your belly, you conquer those animal urges and stay in control of your body and what it's doing. Breathing deeply naturally prolongs the sexual act and it also just so happens to heighten the intensity of your orgasm when it does finally come.

Foreplay: A Man's True Best Friend

The natural urge for most sex-starved men (and that's all men, even those who may have just had sex an hour ago), is to cut to the chase, skip to the "good part", race through bases 'til you slide into home.

But what's the rush? This is only useful if getting off yourself is your only concern. But if that's the case, masturbation should suffice just fine.

If, however, you want to connect with a woman on an intimate level and create a heated, passionate energy between you that pleases both of you, then put off the big finish for as long as you can. And one of the best ways to do that, while still building up her sexual energy and bringing her ever-closer to that coveted release, is to stretch out the foreplay.

Most men don't accept that foreplay is sex too. All they consider as true "sex" is intercourse. But women are not the same. And if you're trying to please a woman in bed, then you have to allow yourself to approach sex from her point of view. This means embracing foreplay as a natural and necessary precursor to sexual satisfaction.

At a loss for what to do? No problem. Here are some common and effective forms of foreplay to get your creative (and her sexual) juices flowing:

• kissing
• caressing
• massaging
• manual genital stimulation/fingering (both the vagina and anus)
• cunnilingus
• romantic talk ("sweet nothings")
• accessories (ice, chocolate sauce, strawberries, feathers, bubble bath)

Monitor Her Breathing (and then Adjust Accordingly)

How she's breathing is a fool-proof indicator of her level of sexual excitement. So to assist in the building of that excitement, pay attention to how she's breathing, and then control what you're doing to either bring her closer or further away from completion.

So if her breathing is shallow, rapid, and hard, continue what you're doing just long enough to bring her to the point where it sounds to you like she's close to the edge, and then change what you're doing to pull her gently back from it.

If her breathing is long, slow, and deep, then keep her there just long enough to catch her breath as she rides those soft waves of pleasure, then either increase the intensity and fervor of what you're doing or change what you're doing completely in order to stimulate her greater and bring her closer to that previously noted state of wild, ecstatic, hard, rapid, and shallow breathing.

Think of it like she's the boat or the raft riding on the ocean, and you're the waves. You want to raise her higher and higher each time you roll in the swells without capsizing her, sinking her, or breaking her apart. This is a perfect picture for a man to keep in mind as achieving orgasm for men is more like a rocket taking off. But for a woman it's a slow ride that goes up and down, building in intensity with each tidal rise, and decreasing the duration of each successive ebb.

Practice, Practice, Practice

It's not just how you get to Carnegie Hall. It's also how you get a woman to multiple orgasms and keep coming back to you for more. You can practice developing the self-control it takes to last longer in bed and, as a result, please her and not just take care of your own needs, in two ways: by yourself and together.

By yourself: Practice masturbating without achieving orgasm. Bring yourself to the brink, and then stop and go on to something else for a while. Come back to it when you think you can touch yourself again without instantly climaxing. Also, when you're peeing, practice stopping and restarting the flow of urine, as a result developing the particular muscle involved in the type of self-control you seek.

Together: You don't have to notify her that you're practicing lasting longer in bed, unless you're taking actions (such as starting and stopping again) that are noticeably different from the sexual behavior she's used to from you. In which case, fill her in on what you're up to, and let her know that when you stop, it's not because you're not attracted to her or losing your sex drive, but that it's because you want to be able to please her better and bring her to as delicious a state of sexual fulfillment as she's been bringing you. She'll love that!