Why (and How) Women Test Men —plus How to Pass their Little Tests

by Josh < Comments >

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Oh, the games women play!

It’s a wonder any of them get a guy at all. Women’s high standards are a hard enough obstacle for men to surmount, but then they have to heap on it all these little tests that men know nothing about (other than as a vague and mysterious, closely-guarded secret of the female sect), and even less about how to pass. It’s not like there’s a class on women that young boys can take to prepare for them for the inevitable times ahead when they will be required to produce and execute this knowledge. That would be nice – and it would be too easy.

Instead men are left to guess what women want and find out after the fact how well they did – too little, too late.

Whether this news is old hat to you or brand new information – rest assured, no man is born with the natural ability to pass women’s tests. It’s an alien game of an alien species. Men can only learn what these tests are and how to pass them. They must be taught. So for starters, every man reading this should cut himself a boatload of slack for not having a clue about these game women play (other than that they exist). It’s not your fault. It’s not part of our biology or our culture to know.

Why Do Women Test Men?

So if a test is a defined as a way of obtaining the information necessary to base a critical evaluation or judgment upon, then the first question most men would ask is, “Why don’t they just ask?”

Why don’t women just ask men the things they want to know and forgo all this cloak-and-dagger nonsense? The first reason is because men can lie. (Women can lie too, but men have other ways of dealing with this than women do.) A man can tell a woman exactly what he thinks she wants to hear instead of being honest and up-front with her. This (obviously) leads women to make choices different from the ones they’d make had they known the truth, and it’s what they try to avoid like the plague. Why?

Because time’s a-wastin’.

Women are always being hit on (certainly the ones you’re going to want to hit on yourself are). There simply isn’t enough time in a single lifetime for a woman to expend the energy and take the care needed to explore a man’s potential compatibility in a more natural, organic way. They’d be wasting their days with losers and all be old maids by the time they find the right man for them.

So instead women had to devise these little tests, instant indicators of whether to let it get past “Hello” or not. (Red light, green light, 1, 2, 3!) Ways of eliminating 99% of the male gene pool in 30 seconds or less so they can get on with the task at hand. After all, that biological clock is ticking.

And it’s why they go on testing the 1% of men that make it past the gate, to get every last contender out of the running as early in the race as possible until one stud finally crosses the finish line.

The Difference Between a Woman’s Test and a Test in School

We’ve all taken plenty of tests in our lives. If school has prepared us all for one thing, it’s taking tests. We know how to deal with them – mainly, we prepare. We study, we get enough rest, we know where and when to show up, and we show up in the proper place on time to take the test. We answer the questions, turn the test in, and go home, get on with our lives. The problem with women’s tests, though, is they never tell you when one’s coming – and they’re always coming. Until the relationship is over or one of you drops dead.

Women don’t let you know that you’re about to be tested. Every quiz is a pop-quiz, unannounced. They just spring it on you, and worse, without you even knowing that it’s happening. By the time you catch on that you were being tested, she’s already come up with your grade.

It’s easy to understand why women do it this way; it’s the same reason as why they test men in the first place – because men can lie. And if men know that a test is forthcoming, they can prepare themselves to lie. Or they can refuse to participate. Either of which thwarts a woman’s fervent efforts to determine whether or not you are a suitable mate (the ultimate question).

Passing Women’s Tests

The right “answers” to the tests you’re given depend wholly on what the woman in question is testing you for. Different women test for different things:

  • money, wealth, financial security
  • feelings about kids
  • violent/abusive tendencies
  • dominance/submissiveness
  • role of religion in his life
  • importance of family in his life
  • intelligence
  • sense of humor
  • character
  • self-assuredness, confidence, inner strength

Knowing this, the next piece of advice for passing women’s tests is identifying them – recognizing when you are being tested.

Fortunately (and probably the only time we’ll say this is fortunate) women are almost always testing you. If you only learn to perceive their interactions with you as tests, then you’re much better empowered to pass them (whether with flying colors or by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin).

Next time a woman asks you a question, instead of answering it with the first thing that comes to mind (which is usually then best and right answer as far as you’re concerned, a perfectly reasonable and acceptable answer in any guy’s mind), pause a moment to ask yourself what she’s actually trying to get at with the exchange. Because one thing’s for sure – whatever she’s trying to ascertain, you can at least be sure that it’s not what it appears to be on the surface. There’s always a hidden agenda, and as soon as you realize and accept that, the easier you’ll be able to spot what that hidden agenda may be.

At the start of this article, we proposed that women test men in order to get more truthful answers to the questions men can easily lie about if asked straightforwardly. Ironically enough, however, surpassing this constant obstacle that women throw up in front of you does not require being honest and up-front instead of lying (funny, that, eh?); it requires knowing what she actually wants to hear. And giving it to her.

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