Let's Talk About Sex

You know what your reputation is, don’t you guys? That all you want is sex.

And hey, it might even be true (at least in part). But validating that reputation is unlikely to win you any prizes with women (at least not most women, and those it does, not for long). Even when your hard-to-hide rapacious sexual appetite does get you laid now and again, it’s not going to get you past first base when it comes to scoring a meaningful and lasting relationship.

If You Want a Second Date…

…then forget about sex on the first. That’s not to say it won’t sometimes happen. But when and if it does, it’s got to happen naturally.

Women can smell sexual hunger, like it’s a heavy cologne, and if they smell it on you, especially on a first date, most of them will turn up their nose and start building a wall of armor you’ll never get through. So much for a good time of any kind.

There are places to find women who only want sex, and a dating site (unless a specialty dating site targeting sexual hookups) is not it.

What Sex Means

To men, sex is an activity, a way to “get off”, to enjoy each other in a way that brings both people extreme pleasure. To women, however, sex is an expression of intimacy. And forcing intimacy too soon puts pressure on a woman that makes her so uncomfortable she’ll do whatever she can to get away from it.

Even if her way of diffusing that pressure is giving in to it, when the deed is done, she’s going to regret it. And then a degree of damage has been done that’s going to be an uphill climb to repair.

Who Makes the First Move?

Whether they admit it or not, most women want men to make the first move in terms of meeting, breaking the ice, introducing themselves, and proposing a date. The “pick-up” is typically preferred by women to be the man’s domain.

But whether you guys admit it or not, most of you would rather let the woman be the one to make the first move when it comes to sex. The problem for most men is that most women take so darned long to get there that the men are left to assume that it must be up to them to get it going if they want it to happen at all.

But as it turns out, most women share that desire to have them be the ones to make the first move towards sexual intimacy. So if a man can be patient enough to hold out for her to be ready, then he and she alike can have their needs met. And that’s the stuff fireworks are made of!

Narrowing the Gap

So there’s an obvious and undeniable gap between when most men are ready to take their relationship with a woman to a sexual level and when the woman is ready for same. Fortunately, while there isn’t much a man can do to cross that gap, per se, there is much you can do to narrow it, namely: make her want you.

How to make a woman want you, then, is the next question to answer.

For one, back off, man! Coming on too strong, especially when there’s an underlying sexual need at work, will only push her away. Relaxing into the moment and just being present with her, content with whatever interactions you’re currently having, is an extremely attractive feature to women.

They Want it Too

Make no mistake, women want sex too. They just don’t want to feel pressured into it. If, however, they feel that you’re perfectly happy just to enjoy their company in whatever fashion it’s happening, it becomes such a turn-on to them that they start to feel like they have to have you – in just that way you’ve been hoping for.

The Power of Need

Need is a turn-off. Contentment is its opposite. Need conveys dissatisfaction with your present condition. It conveys inadequacy. It puts your attention on what you don’t have and puts your eyes on the future. What does that say to the woman who’s sitting in front of you right now?

It says this isn’t good enough. And when what you’re really trying to convey is that this is so great you want more, what you end up conveying is that these are just the motions you’re going through to get what you’ve really come for. Oops.

She Has the Power

Most women are well aware that sex is their power play, a form of control that they can use to get what they want from men, to play you like a puppet, and wrap you like a string around their little fingers.

So they withhold sex to push a guy away, and they give sex to keep him. Coming off as needy, then, makes women want to withhold sex in order to keep men at bay. While coming off as completely secure, self-satisfied, and happy to be living in the moment makes women want to give you sex in order to make you more dependent on them.

It’s not a pretty paradigm, and putting it like this is sure to rile quite a few readers up. But it’s the way the game is played. Part of the birds and bees every bit as much as making babies. And speaking of birds and bees…

Women are Animals Too

They’re beasts, just like you. You just have to know how to unleash them. And it’s not about untying the knot that has them so restrained. It’s about getting them so worked up for you that they rip their chains right out of the wall.

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