So you want to be a swinger? You like the idea of variety in your sexual partnerings. You want to be a part of that world – one filled with constant newness and pleasure. Well lucky for you, you’ve come to the right place. Whether you’re a single individual or a member of a couple, here we present to you a quick and concise guide on everything you need to know to get started swinging.
Where to Find Other Swingers
In order to experience the many pleasures of swinging, you of course need to find other swingers to explore them with. For this you have several options:
Private Parties – Mostly by invite only and word-of-mouth, and occasionally through advertisements, these will be harder for the novice to encounter and get involved in. Every once in a while, though, you’ll find notice of such an event posted on Craigslist or on a social networking site like Facebook or Yahoo! Groups. You may likewise be able to Google a local swingers’ website based in your area with a contact list you can join and access. And keeping on that same broadband track, while it’s nice to know that private swingers’ parties exist for later on when you’re an experienced swinger, for now there are easier and perhaps less intimidating places to start, namely where you already are: the world wide web…
Swingers’ Website – You’ve no doubt seen the abundance (to put it mildly) of dating sites on the internet these days. Besides general dating sites serving the “general” populace (those whom some may call “straight laced”, “vanilla”, or “norms”, among other things), a proliferation of niche sites has also appeared, including – you guessed it – dating sites for swingers! These sites – AdultFriendFinder is a great example – are part matchmaking service/part online swingers’ community. There you can place an ad with a profile and photo, just like at a regular dating site, so other swingers can contact you while you browse the profiles and photos of other swingers interested in meeting others for same. Truly it’s never been easier for anyone at all with the inclination to get started in swinging.
Swing Clubs – One last option to consider, though for the most part only readily available in big cities, are night clubs devoted to the swinger community. There are two types of swing clubs – the ones where the sex takes place right there in the club and the ones that provide a safe space for swingers to meet and hook up but require that, once hooked up, you go somewhere else to do your thing. The first type – the “on-premise” swing club – will usually advertise plenty in the area they serve. Check out the back section of your city’s free weekly paper for a great chance at finding some. As for “off-premise” swing clubs, they often host events at hotels with discounted rates offered to attendees who meet up and want a place they can get it on.
On Swinging as a Couple
In some ways it is actually easier to get involved in swinging if you’re in a couple (married or unmarried is fine). Maybe this is because you bring something for everyone to the table (so to speak).
Couples should be aware, however, that the easiest way to have your swinging experience put a strain on your relationship to not be on the same page form the get-go about your intentions and boundaries.
Couples should always discuss their feelings about swinging, throughout their time as swingers, but most especially at the beginning, before getting into it. This way, you can both make sure you’re openly in agreement about what you are and are not willing to do and accept of each other doing in your swinging experiencing without the threat of damaging your relationship.
Setting boundaries and agreeing upon them ahead of time is crucial for a couple who wants to have a positive and mutually fulfilling experience swinging that only strengthens and deepens their relationship with one another.
Oftentimes, parties in a couple will feel one way before arriving at the site where they will be swinging then they do once they get there. That’s why many couples come up with special private codes to discreetly indicate their feelings to one another. This an excellent trick for avoiding embarrassment, resentment, and regret, and for keeping the all-important lines of communication open throughout the entire experience. Codes can be phrases, single words, or private hand gestures. You figure out what works for you, and make sure you and your partner are both clear about what each individual code means.
Types of Swinging
There are 2 main types of swinging: “open swinging” and “closed swinging”. To put it simply:
open swinging – is when partners have sex with other people in front of each other;
closed swinging – is when partners have sex with other people without their partner being present.
In most cases of “closed swinging” of course your partner is not far away, probably in the next room having sex with somebody else. The difference, and the question for you, between the two types of swinging is whether you and your partner want to watch each other having sex with other people?
A 3rd type of swinging also exists, called “soft swinging”.
soft swinging – is when you and your partner start out by having foreplay with other people – kissing, necking, petting, everything but intercourse – then switch back to each other to finish it off with a bang (literally).
Though rarer in swinging circles, a 4th and final type of swinging exists for those people who want to play with no holds barred. Appropriately, this is called…:
hard swinging – more like an orgy than partner-swapping in which everyone present has sex in the same room and anyone who wants to is invited to join in.
For a positive swinging experience it is imperative that everyone involved be clear and on the same page about which type of swinging will be happening at that time.
Basic Swinging Boundaries
We’ll keep this brief. Common swinging etiquette dictates certain rules which must always be abided by:
- No means no. Period.
- Safe sex only.
- Maintain good hygeine.
A Last Word on Sex
To say that sex is a charged issue for everyone is stating the obvious. But it is this common sense awareness of how emotionally disorienting sex can make a person that will empower you to be conscious, intentional, safe, compassionate, and respectful of your primary partner (boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband), your swinging partners, and of course – yourself.