6 Ways to Score with Women Out of Your League

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First of all, when I say “score” I mean sex. Get laid. Just to be clear. We’re not talking here only about getting girls out of your league to give you the time of day, or their phone number, or even land a date. This is a compilation of the best, most balls-out honest tips out there for systematically getting women out of your league into the sack.

Second of all, we’re assuming here that you’re not rich or gorgeous or both (and if any of you a-holes still need help, we don’t got any for you). OK, that said let’s get into it.

1. Wear a wedding band. That’s right. Let her think you’re married. You don’t have to tell her you’re married, unless she asks. Just don’t keep that hand hidden from view (it’s the left one, so you know), and she’ll notice. Trust me, she’ll notice. Chicks go ga-ga for married dudes. Doesn’t matter what he looks like either, it’s not about that. Something about wanting what they can’t have…or what his wife thinks she can’t have. It’s part of that inborn catfighting instinct, and there’s nothing like a wedding ring on a guys finger to put a kitty into heat in a cold snap.

2. Act gay. Do you see the babes glomming onto these guys dressed like they think they’re Freddy Mercury at Mardi Gras? The better way to say this advice might actually be to “act like a rock star” – but isn’t it the same thing really? Point is, buy the brightest, loudest clothes in the thrift shop (if they don’t match, all the better), throw on some makeup (don’t worry if you don’t know how, that could work to your advantage too), and act friendly and happy and wholly disinterested. You do and she’ll be on your lap before you know it, trying to seduce you into sleeping with her. Girls say they like gay guys because they’re safe, but that ain’t it. They like ‘em for the same reason that we like women out of our league. For the thrill of the conquest. So get conquerable, baby!

3. Find your niche: It works in business, why wouldn’t it in sex? Every dude and his lesbian sister is fishing in the same icy sea – no wonder none but the sharks are getting anywhere! But do you know how easy it would be for you to get laid at a Star Trek convention? And before you go panning chicks at Star Trek conventions keep in mind, not every girl there is a Trekkie. Some are chicks who like to have sex with Trekkies. And they are just dying to find a hot one! Get the idea? Hot chicks are freaky, man. You gotta go to freaky places to find ‘em. So go find some niche of your own to explore (if you do the Star Trek thing now, you’re a douchebag). Find some smaller pond off the beaten path you can prowl in while you let the sharks rule the open waters.

4. Get someone else to do it for you: Not the scoring part, of course. That’s all you. But leading up to it, I’m talking about. This tactic is for online dating specifically, where anonymity is a corrupt and exploitable king. And you can have a Virtual Dating Assistant making you into her knight in shining armor, handling all your online dating tasks for you. Really. They write your profile and everything. Even the hunting part. How lazy do you have to be to think this one takes too much work.

5. Sleep with her mother first: Or her sister, works the same. And if you’re skeptical of this tactic’s efficacy, I ask you this? If it didn’t work so well, then why has it become a cliché’ of primetime network and cable television? Go find some desperate housewives, you may not even want the daughters after.