Do nice guys really always lose? It sure may feel that way, but is it true?
Why do so many women gravitate towards “bad boys” and how can a nice guy like you learn from that common tendency to have more success with women without becoming a bad boy yourself?
Thank You, Hollywood (that’s sarcasm there)
Hollywood is an equal-opportunity relationship killer in that it promotes an abundance of unrealistic expectations amongst single women and men alike. We men are led to believe that if we’re patient and persistent enough, we can land that buxom blonde poster model, even at the expense of a perfectly soul-stirring relationship with the girl next door.
And women are led to believe that the most interesting men are the no-nonsense tough guys who keep their emotions bottled up and have an intellectual range about the size of a football field. We’re conditioned to expect the perfect match to be right around the corner, even when it’s really staring us right in the face.
It’s impossible for 99.9% of us to live up to Hollywood standards, and many people waste their whole lives trying to. If the girl you’re courting seems like she’s looking for Tom Cruise, George Clooney, or Denzel Washington, let her keep on looking. And if you’re looking for Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, or Lucy Liu, go see a movie. If you want a real, meaningful relationship with a great gal, however, then read on…
We Don’t Need Another Hero
Men operate from stereotypes, a serious danger to authenticity in any and every sort of relationship whatsoever. Heroes and criminals are exciting, sure. They get her heart-beating, blood-racing, may even get her hot. But when the fantasy is blown and she realizes that beneath that bad boy exterior is a normal guy like any other, the illusion is shattered as she’s racing home faster than your one night stand lasted.
Better to attract her to who you actually are rather than who you think she wants you to be. Catching her with a put-on is only a set-up for inevitable future disappointment. At least when you’re being yourself then when you get her home you know it’s because she’s interested in the real you and not the stereotype your pretending to be.
What Goes On Behind the Scenes
It’s tough to be a sensitive guy when the a-hole down the street is verbally (and maybe even physically) abusive to every one of a string of girls who always seem to flock around him like a gaggle of geese.
What you’re not seeing is that while that guy may be getting laid more often than you, he’s also as lonely as, if not lonelier than, you. Because every girl he winds up with eventually sees through his thin façade and soon after wants nothing at all to do with him. Is that what you want? A string of one night stands with women who leave hating you in the morning. If so, you’ve come to the wrong website.
What is It About Bad Boys that Women Find So Good?
For one, bad boys pose a challenge to women. You know what that’s like. Everyone wants to feel like they can take a step up out of their league and still succeed. How do you harness that trait in a positive way without becoming a bad boy yourself?
Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. As much as openness and honesty is a turn-on, neediness and clinginess is a turn-off. Don’t act like your whole self-image depends on her opinion of you, but rather convey that you already like yourself just as you are. You’ll attract women who like that too, and you won’t have to go chasing after them to do it.
The thing about all bad boys that is such a turn-on to women is their self-assuredness. They know who they are and they don’t care what other people think about them. These are traits that any man would be wise to cultivate.
Be your own person, your own man. Walk your walk and talk your talk, not someone else’s. Then the definition of your muscles won’t even matter to women because they’re so caught up in how well and chiseled you’ve defined yourself. Your physical strength won’t be an issue when you convey an impervious strength of character.
The Mistake About Power
Power is an immensely attractive trait to women, yes. But power comes in many forms, and a lot of them are illusions. For example, power is not about what car your drive or how much money you have or your status in society or how well you can bully the people around you to do what you tell them to do or how scared people are of you or how emotions bounce off you like bullets off Superman.
Power comes from self-acceptance, self-knowledge, and self-love. It’s about knowing who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, and standing firm in that. Power is an unshakeable sense of self, a man who is so comfortable in being who he is that he just doesn’t feel the need to impose his will on other people. A powerful man is so clear and confident in who he is that he has no trouble letting other people be who they are.
Unlike a true bad boy, this is the kind of guy a woman can take home to mom and dad.