When Is It OK For A Woman To Ask A Man Out?

by Josh < Comments >

Posted in Dating Advice

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This is the 21st century, for heaven’s sake! Are dating experts really still telling women to let the men be the ones to do the asking out? Have we come so far only to go nowhere at all?

Well first of all, don’t get yourself in an uproar. The truth is that many dating experts nowadays do gladly admit that we (the Big We) have come a long way in this ever-changing world of ours, and it’s not only perfectly okay now for a woman to ask a man out, but many men rather enjoy the experience, the rare role reversal doing them some sorely needed good.

That said, gender equality, enlightened egos, and socio-cultural progress aside, there is something keyed into our innate animal nature that makes men (or males of any species) inclined to be the “aggressor” in the courting-mating ritual with females. Now, that doesn’t mean the females are “submitters” by any measure but much to the contrary, since we all know that females are typically more in control of the courting-mating dance’s steps and moves than the men. The females are better described as the “pursued” and are therefore the “choosers” or “selectors”. No wonder the males have to be such aggressors!

So call it what you like, for whatever reason it’s an inescapable part of our genetic makeup. Which means that, even though happy and gorgeous exceptions most definitely can be made to biology’s so-called “rules” (as they so very often, and so very often admirably, are), in order to be effective they also need to be handled delicately.

That is to say – if you want to ask a man out instead of sit around and hope that someday he might ask you out, then you’ve got to prepare properly and proceed carefully in order to succeed.

Let’s say, for example, that he remembers the little things – your birthday and important anniversaries, he knows your family members’ name and stories, he notices whenever you change your hairstyle. These are all excellent signs that he’s interested in you as “more than a friend”. But if he hasn’t asked you out yet, it may have nothing to do with nerve. It may mean he’s oblivious to his own feelings for you. He may be the only one who doesn’t recognize that he’s in love (or like) with you. To make anything develop under these circumstances, you’re going to have to take charge and bring it out into the open.

When else is it appropriate for a woman (or possibly incumbent upon her) to be the one to ask a man out?

It is also OK for you to ask a guy out…

  • If he’s afraid of his own shadow. An exaggeration for ‘shy’, it gets the point across. If he’d sooner run for town Mayor than approach a woman, much less ask her out, then you may have to be the one to get the ball rolling here. Shy guys can make great boyfriends and lovers, but they sometimes need a little push; somebody else to take the initiative on their behalf. The good news for you is, if you’ve got the hots for a wallflower, he’ll probably perk up immensely at being approached and asked out by a woman. His ego won’t be dented at all.
  • He’s your partner in crime. The Butch to your Sundance. The Thelma to your Louise. To get from either of these platonic scenarios to something more akin to Bonne and Clyde, one of you is going to have to test the waters, broach the subject, expose your interests, and hope for the best. And that can go either way. He may really just think of you as his buddy, his best friend even – but not his lover. Or he may jump your bones the first chance he gets. It’s a risky proposition, no doubt, but if it all goes well, it’s one with big payoffs.
  • It seems that, as far as he’s concerned, he’s already asked. Some men speak their own version of sign language, rather than using words. To see if your man-in-question is one of these, observe his body language when he’s around you. Is he the quintessential gentleman around you, the model of chivalry? Does he open doors, pull out your chairs, help you take off and put on your coat? Does he touch you – on the small of your back, your shoulder? Do his hugs last longer than they do with most men? Does he look alight whenever you walk into the room? If any of these things are the case, then he’s so smitten by you that he either already thinks of you as his girlfriend, or he’s so wrapped up in courting you that he’s waiting for some return exchange of silent affection as confirmation before he says anything about it aloud. In either case, if you want to move things along, it should do no harm to lay your cards on the table.
  • He’s incredibly busy, but strangely never too busy for you. If the man you’re thinking of asking out is a hustle and bustle kind of guy, always on-the-go, yet somehow he always manages to find time to return your emails, jot you a text message, or leave you a voicemail, then he probably likes you (as in more than he likes his fishing chums). When the demands of the world take over, it can be hard for most men to juggle maintaining contact with too many more people than he absolutely needs to. It means many friends, family, and loved often get left by the wayside – not in his heart, but in his correspondences. If, however, his correspondences with you are consistently active, then you may fall into the category of people he “absolutely needs to” stay close to. Consider that a shining sign that he would welcome being asked out by you. Delighted, even.

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