…This is an Important Message for Your Cheating Heart
Temptation is everywhere and we’re all only human. The trick with a romantic relationship, however, is to control those temptations, out of love for your partner and for the benefit of your relationship.
Cheating on Him
Whether you’ve already cheated on your man or you’re just thinking about it, it’s not too late to save you’re relationship.
Chances are, if you’ve had an affair (or are seriously considering it), you’re feeling emotionally distant from your man. Disconnected. The “other man” then (whether real or only fictitious right now) is merely filling that emotional void.
But neither he nor your boyfriend should be filling any emotional voids in your life. That’s not the purpose of a relationship (at least not a healthy one with any sort of future in it). You need to fill those voids yourself, provide your own emotional fulfillment, without relying on any man to do it for you. That’s the only way you’ll ever have anything of value to bring to this or any relationship. Otherwise you’re just using the men in your life to give you something you feel incapable of giving yourself. That’s a sure recipe for unending disaster.
The thing to remember, whether you’ve already cheated on him or you’re only just thinking about it, is that the grass is only greener on the other side of the mountain until you get there. Then it suddenly does it seem as green as it did before, and in fact, before you know it, the side you just came from starts to look better and better.
Ask yourself – what are you giving up by placing your relationship in jeopardy? Is it worth it?
Don’t worry as much about whether or not he’ll forgive you. Most men will get over it, even if they’re a bit perturbed at first. The thing is to give him the benefit of the doubt. If you despair that you can’t even talk to him about it, then you might as well throw in the towel now (as all this sneaking around is surely killing you). But if you love him and want it to work, then your bigger risk is in not fessing up and facing the consequences.
Cheating on You
Now to look at the flip-side of the equation: what if it’s not you doing the cheating, but him? What if you’re the one being cheated on? Or perhaps even more agonizing still, what if you suspect him of cheating on you but just don’t know for sure?
On a practical level, you could have him followed, or use an online service to track his phone calls. But a more mature and healthful approach would be to voice your concerns. Let him know that you care about him and certain signals you’ve been getting from him have been leading you to believe that you might be losing him.
Infatuation is not love. Infatuation takes you over; love takes work. And when someone – man or woman – seeks out an affair, rather than do what’s necessary to make it work with the person they’re with, it’s usually because they’re seeking a quick and easy way out. Out from what? From intimacy, and all it requires to develop and grow. Infatuation only takes one person. Intimacy takes two.
So the first thing to do if your lover is cheating on you is to accept that you too bear some part of the burden of responsibility for the gap in intimacy between you. Identifying where and how you’ve contributed to that is your ticket to closing that gap, building (or rebuilding) that bridge of intimacy between you, and turning you into the more appealing and rewarding option in his eyes.
Because men crave intimacy too. Even more than short-lived infatuation.
Equal Opportunity Solutions
Whomever’s doing the cheating, if you both desire to remedy the situation and rebuild the love and trust between you, it may require the outside assistance of a trained relationship counselor. Don’t poo-poo this idea off the bat (and don’t let him do it either). A counselor is confidential and, believe you men, has seen and heard it all before. Sometimes all it takes is an educated outside perspective in order to put you both on the right track to reconnecting and recommitting to one another.
It’s often a very simple miscommunication that, left untended, festers in a downward spiral until one or the other of you is driven to take action. For example, maybe you had to pull back from him somewhat (quite validly and understandably) when you took on this new, more demanding job. Through no fault of either of you, this could easily have led your husband to feel ignored, left out, hurt, fill-in-the-blank…causing him to pull back from you even more than you had from him. Then began a vicious cycle of each of you in turn feeling unfulfilled by the other person and pulling back progressively more and more.
The thing is, if you had been able to broach the sensitive subject of the growing imbalance in your work and love lives, you could have avoided this whole scenario and maybe even used the situation as an opportunity to bring you closer together instead of further apart. (because, when you think about it, discovering that your lover pulled back from you because he felt jilted by you pulling back from him is kind of sweet, in a lovesick sort of you).
Luckily, it’s not too late to do that. Just blamelessly trace the disconnect back to its source and deal with that, rather than attempting to (or avoiding) dealing with the disaster that trigger has blown up into. And to be blatantly clear about it, the key word in all that is “blamelessly”. Taking responsibility for what occurred in your relationship gives you the power to mend it.
Remember – there’s two sides to each and every story. And the truth of any situation between two people typically lies somewhere in the middle. Whether you’re the one having the affair or he’s the one cheating on you, saving the relationship is completely doable – provided it’s what both of you want.
And if it’s not, then be grateful for the opportunity to get out now and move on with your life. Because you deserve to be happy. Both of you.
{ 16 comments }
I like the paragraph about the games. I find strip anything turns me and my partner on.
Also, drinking games make the night a hell of a lot more interesting.
Dont forget the moral thing. Great sex without loyalty?
I THINK IM GONNA TRY THIS ONE,JUST KEEP ON GIVING US SOME ADVICES BECOUSE WE REALLY NEED IT
ur the best
this is reaaly good advice im going to try some of this stuff tonight
I’m glad I have a good old fashioned naive country boy. Almost everything I do with him sexually is a huge turn on to him! Maybe some guys are just too hard to please! Most men are not in tune with their women either! I think that is the real key. Both people trusting each other and not being afraid to experiment with each other. If it’s good, put it in the sex box, if it’s not, scratch it! We both agreed that each person would try a new idea once a month. Since we don’t see each other much, this makes for fun sex every time!
thanks yall guys are freakinq cool he loved it:)
Whoever the Dmitry guy is can kiss my ass! what an idiot and sounds like a typical man…..feed me cook a steak for me…. GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND COOK YOURSELF A DAMN STEAK…….give me a blow job blah blah fuckin blah if all you want is a blowjob then obviously your dick is tooooo small and therefore not enough to satisfy your girl….good coverup to save u the embarassment though ;-)…….oh and sexy clothes are only sexy on a sexy woman? well reality check dumbass it’s nonya fuckin business….if the man is happy and the woman is happy who gives a shit!! Here’s a tip for you…..don’t give advice that isn’t so great :-D you must have a really shitty sex life and i pity the fool that ever wraps their lips arnd ur meatt! ha! glad my sex life isnt like that….much much much better than a steak and a backrub heeeha! have a nice day
I am the first thing on my husbands mind when he wakes up, and the last thing on his mind when he drifts off to sleep. How do I know? Because every morning and every night I go down on him. Kissing, licking, and sucking. Sometimes he is so tired from work he doesn’t get an erection but i still spend atleast 15 minutes down there enjoying every delicious kiss.
Some women are squimish about oral sex ? Really? Maybe in the 90s. As a married man I find this article not only useless, but misinforming to women. First Doggy style is nothing new. If it is new to you then you need remedial lessons on the basics, and clearly need to talk to a therapist about any issues or misconceptions you may have about actually participating in the sex you are having with your husband. Second if we want a hand job there is no one on earth that can do it better than us. We have been practicing for this our whole lives. So leave it to the experts. Third sexy clothing is only sexy on a sexy woman. If you are overweight or underweight face reality and go to the gym, this point should not be ignored. A snickers bar in a pretty new box is still a snickers bar. If you are in denial about the way your body looks, the new “sexy” cloths will not help you, and before anyone says or thinks “well my husband should love me the way I am”
Just know that he does, but this is about pleasing him, not about feeling like you are pleasing him for your own peace of mind. Put in the effort and lose the extra weight. Nothing will improve his moral and satisfaction more than to have sex with a sexy woman, it will motivate him to go to the gym himself. Fourth once you lose the weight and become his goddess, save the money on the cloths and buy him a 21 day aged steak. Cook it while wearing nothing but a short t shirt. And then give him oral sex after he is done eating. Sounds simple right thats because it is. The trick with this is to not ask him to reciprocate. Just let him be and let him enjoy. After that give him a back rub, arm rub etc.. the way he likes and you are done. If you are working on losing weight dont worry no one is perfect but you can still give oral, cook a steak , and rub a back. This will bring more pleasure than any laced underwear will. Substitute the steak for his other favorite dish if the need arises(If he does not like steak, you should assume that he may not be heterosexual) but try this trick, and see if he does not have a new found affection for you after you are done giving him these three surprises. Prep time 30 minutes total length of activity about 2-3 hours. Total cost about 20-25 dollars(You will have money left over to drag him to some movie he thinks is stupid some other day) . Cheaper than buying “sexy cloths” and it will keep your relationship fresh and honest because if you are overweight he wont have to tell you that he loves you in those cloths and its the best surprise you could give him. Remember work with what you have and use common sense. You will save time, money and you will really have a happy and pleased husband. So now that you are armed with The please your husband tecnique developed by the World famous sexoligist Dmitry Barash (patent pending). You have to know how to carry it out, so let’s start with the most important thing. The food! The steak that you serve him should taste good. Common sense really, but you would be surprised at how many mistakes you can make, if you are not informed. So the steak should be a good cut of meat. A butcher shop or high end grocery store such as whole foods will have it, your local acme will not. So prepare to spend about 20-25 dollars on this steak still cheaper than going out to eat. Then the next obvious thing is to make it if you are not confident that you can make a delicous steak dont. Find a reputable place that will make it for you and then have it dropped off at your house or go pick it up. Buy it and not make it myself? You ask. Where is the love in that? You ask. well if you can cook, then it would be more thoughtfull if you made it, but if you can’t cook, nothing would be worse than taking a good cut of meat, ruining it and expecting your husband to actually eat it. Let alone derive any pleasure from it. So were clear the steak has to taste good. Your good intentions cannot fill a stomach. So if your going to do it. Do it right!
So now we have a great tasting steak, but where you serve it is just as essential as how good it tastes. You serve it at home wearing a short t shirt and nothing else (if you have kids..Throw them out of the house, or if its more convenient daycare or a sitter might work to. Just have them gone so he can enjoy his surprise. The time this happens should be when he regularly eats a normal meal(that is where the suprise part comes in) not a weekend or a convenient day for you but on a day it will please him most. A work day, school day etc.. a great end to a hard or stressfull day. So by now he has finished what should be a great tasting steak. He is already a happy and full man(if you are going to all the trouble with the steak make sure there is enough to fill him, nothing worst than a steak tease)So lets move on to step 2 Oral sex although you cant outsource this service(if you can thats fine to)but I am assuming you have to do it yourself.
If you dont know how…learn. But how? You ask. With rigorous and constant practice. If you have not mastered this art, and dont have alot of spare time,but still want to please your man sooner than later. It is ok. This is one area where the thought does count. Just use common sense. If your husband bites you anywhere, be it your arm or your head it is going to hurt.(if you are confused about why I just said that, then give up now, you clearly lack the intelligence it takes to function as an adult in this society. But if you are not confused about teeth and what not to do, then you are on your way to giving great oral sex.So now just do it. Once it is done move on to step 3. The back rub why a backrub? You ask. Now that your husband has had a delicous steak, and great oral sex. He is confused, and thinking that you want him to reciprocate. This can cause frustration(because once the deed is done he does not want to do anything for you, himself, or anyone. He just wants to lay down and sleep or watch tv, but he feels guilty about not having the energy needed to return the favor) So step 3 is just for that. It will relieve any tension he may have, and will reassure him you are just trying to please him and this will.
So step 1 feed the man
step2 Give the man oral sex (when your done dont cuddle or ask to make love this is not about you)
Step3 let him relax
An extra tip while giving him a back rub, would be to not ask about what is going on in a movie or show he is watching. He knows you dont care what it’s about. He also knows your only talking because the tv is getting his attention at the moment. Well there you have it, the most advanced scientific approach to pleasing your husband on the planet!
Damn. I’m definitely going to have to try this.
cathie your a homewrecking whore. i dont care if he has no control, obviously you should learn some self control also, women decide whether to let them in or not. anyways it seems to be common sense, but then again im a high school kid and me and my boyfriend are very passionate :) and we have been together for 3 years!! trust me it does work :D
I wish all married ladies would read this and put it to memory…..because this is exactly what brings your married guy…..knocking at my door…….A twenty dollar Camie and he is buying me lunch……just talking about oral anything and he is asking to go home with me for lunch…..I am working on finding a guy that isn’t just wanting a way out…….I guess we all have issues!
im looking for advice for a young couple who are in love and want to be togethor but have trouble clicking in the bedroom. as the women i’m verey satisfied but need help returning the favor. i have tried alot of things but don’t always work any suggestions?
you’ve saved my marriage!!!! thanks!!!!!!!!!!! :)
I have been CELIBATE for 5 years. I am interested in a man, and think perhaps he feels the same. I do not want to be a disappointment in bes. I want to PLEASE and make him so satisfied he want more and more